Many young people have to face a daunting reality: making choices that feel life-defining. From college to classes, from clubs to sports and free time, the choices keep increasing, and it’s rarely clear as to what the right path is.
While the buildup of many choices can alter the trajectory of someone’s life, perhaps the most imperative reminder is that a single choice rarely defines who someone is entirely. Identity takes time to develop, and decisions are the building blocks of this process. Even if one’s sense of self is lacking in earlier years, as time passes and experiences unfold, moments of choice become more frequent and vary significantly in importance.
It’s also necessary to remember that it’s completely acceptable to change one’s mind or backtrack. It is not a bad thing to change goals, switch interests or even transfer activities. Even though this change might feel frustrating or like giving up, it is important to remember that everyone has given something up at some point. Growth would be impossible if people were expected to commit to one version of themselves forever.
However, it is usually a good idea to prioritize long-term habits over short-term impulses. Even though instant gratification can be rewarding, many decisions that feel right in the moment do not always align with larger goals or future well-being. Learning to balance present desires with possible future consequences is one of the hardest parts of decision-making.
Although many make choices without much restriction, not everyone has the same freedom to choose. Environment, family, finances, expectations and culture can influence and control behavior, forcing a choice upon someone or at least strongly encouraging one. Even though someone may appear to have control over their life, preexisting circumstances can change the decisions available to them in ways that might not be obvious to an observer.
Psychologists have found that perception of control or choice is deeply connected to well-being. A 2017 study titled “Honoring the Everyday Preferences of Nursing Home Residents: Perceived Choice and Satisfaction with Care,” found that overall satisfaction levels went up for residents who had choice within the nursing home. This study shows that agency, or the sense of freedom to make decisions, affects emotional well-being regardless of age.
Agency means having the capacity to make independent choices. When there is more control over a situation, it is easier to feel a greater sense of attachment and commitment. Through agency, one can take greater ownership of their decisions, becoming more motivated to be the architect of their lives rather than a bystander.
When faced with a difficult choice, it can take a while and lots of focused thinking to decide on the best course of action. A tool to aid in the decision-making process is to ask questions: “Does this align with the kind of person I want to become?” “How does this affect those around me?” “Am I making this choice for myself or based on other people’s expectations?” Perhaps the most important question of all is “Will this matter in five weeks? Five months? Five years?”
People are constantly changing, adapting to different environments and making informed decisions and objectively “better” decisions with more experience. While choices shape us over time, making mistakes is inevitable and part of becoming the best version of oneself. The goal is not to make the right choice every single time, but to make a choice and continue growing afterward.
