“How’s your day?”
“I like your earrings.”
“What’s your name?”

These are all ways to begin a conversation, but do they work?

Communication is universal, with billions of conversations circulating every moment in an estimated 7,000-plus actively spoken languages. In a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, titled “Conversations are powerful. Here are ways to embrace the awkward and deepen relationships,” published on Nov. 1, 2023, a group of strangers were paired up and asked to participate in two rounds of conversation. In the first round, two strangers would engage in a shallow conversation and in the second, the subjects were paired up again with a different person to take part in a deep conversation.

When the experiment was over, participants reported that they overestimated how awkward the conversations would be, especially when predicting the outcome of the deep conversations. The participants also reported that they felt a stronger bond with the partner with whom they had a deep conversation.

These results show that miscalibrated presumptions can discourage meaningful conversations, veering people away due to fear of awkwardness; however, more accurate expectations direct deeper and more engaging conversations and stimulate deeper connections.
Ninth-grader Lucas Laguna feels that in order to foster a good conversation, both parties have to be attentive and engaged. “I think that it just has to have good communication and listening, and I think both people should be interested, the conversation can even be about something [with less substance,]” Laguna said.

One tactic to promote good conversation is to use icebreakers. SPA teachers often begin class with a “go-around,” an icebreaking activity that usually consists of a short prompt that students respond to with their opinion.

Although the questions are typically brief and meant to serve as a warm-up to class, sophomore Isla Collins enjoys more in-depth responses. “I like the go-arounds where people actually will give in-depth and unique answers, where not everyone’s saying the same thing,” Collins said. “And then I feel like those are more meaningful as conversation starters because everyone can laugh and just bounce off each other’s answers.”

Junior Raina Heidkamp likes giving compliments and asking questions to spark conversations. “I think [a good conversation comes] when you compliment someone’s outfit or when you ask them where they got something from, because then they can tell the story about their outfit,” Heidkamp said.

This tactic is scientifically proven to work. According to research conducted by the Journal of Consumer Psychology at Albany and Duke University, “Study Shows Talking About Products Can Lead to Better Conversations,” published on Oct. 26, 2023, by Michael Parker, product-facilitated discussions often aid conversations with strangers, especially when pointing out something the other person is displaying.
Similarly, Collins approaches by trying to observe the other person. “Sometimes I observe them for a second to try to find things we have in common, or I try to make jokes, to see what they think is funny,” Collins said.

Connecting via similarities is another way to formulate a connection. In a study conducted in 2023 by Diana Tamir, an associate professor of psychology at Princeton University, strangers’ mental states become more similar as their conversation progresses. Her research concludes that in conversation, people often navigate toward agreement, which converges mental states and connects people. Starting conversations with a commonality makes this easier and initiates an immediate connection, making it easier to bond with the other person.

Sophomore Oliver Stitzel uses similar observations to stimulate conversation. “Usually [my conversations are about] what people display on the outside, how they hold their fists, or their expression,” Stitzel said.

What constitutes a good conversation is subjective. However, giving compliments and using icebreakers and immediately initiating deep conversations can lead to deeper conversations and relationships.